Pre Production - Writing script || First Draft Script feedback from Simon

Writing the First Draft Script

After a really helpful tutorial with simon, I was told to sit down, write down all the different elements my story could have and then piece them together to see what significance they had and to know how necessary those points would be. This would enable to me to narrow down my key points. Initially, I tried to write them down but I found that my ideas were moving too fast and I would often forget by the time it came to writing down. Therefore I opted for the use of Google drive to jot down my ideas and re arrange if needed be. 

Below is the order that I was comfortable with and begun to write my script to this narrative 

With this order, I felt as though I chose the right amount of events to be able to get the character's mental health across as well as showing a bond between Lily.

The Script Feedback

From this feedback it was evident that there was a lot for me to think about. But the main points that I wanted to work on for the second draft was the fact I was telling and not showing. This is a major issue that I want to eradicate and clearly I'm finding it really hard. I now need to get a greater idea on what things my character can do to show his mental state. In order for me to combat this, I need to continue my research into mental health in order to further familiarise myself with the characteristics.