Pre Production: Simon tutorial 7th Nov || first draft script feedback and ideas


Tutorial and Feedback

 After handing in my first draft script and receiving some helpful feedback, I had a lot of things to think about in terms of my story order and what route I wanted to take my story. I didn't want to write a fully new script until speaking to simon in person to go through some of the new perspectives before turning it into a second draft. 
My main issue was that my current story focussed on the wrong things if my intention was initially meant to shine light on a situation. Admittedly, I focused more on the theatrical aspects of what happens in the mental health spectrum. But this would not do the topic justice. This process has been incredibly difficult for me and I almost feel a little stuck because I really want it to come across as accurate as possible but I also want it to be visually pleasing.  
Main points of Simon's feedback in tutorial; 
  • When thinking about how someone takes their life, classic cry for a help. sometimes they're hoping at the last moment at the  something will stop them or it won't be successful. Sometimes its attempt is what they hope will be the answer to their problems and cause a change in their lives 
  • I could use that fact and idea where we think they're about to leave the world but we go into their eyes and flashing lights, then we see the thing that they always wanted. leaving the audience with the perspective of did they eventually get what they wanted? or is this simply a dream 
  • But what is the image? is he safe and happy with lily or his mum and dad? something that is calming, where he's at peace.
  • This gives a sense of hope without it being like "this is all happy and good" 
  • Need to have an easter egg for that moment, the thing that he's trying to find, that moment of peace. 
  • Easter egg moment that suggests his lowest point, we come back to it
  • Look at "moonlight" to see how they portray the main character's 
  • The river could be my easter egg moment, he keeps revisiting this place, until it is the last moment
  • He jumps in or he's in the water, going under and definitely dying but maybe you hear a name call him or he's being dragged out of the 
  • The character is imagined to be quite brittle and not confident in the way he walks and talks


Next steps; 


  • I need to think about all aspects of this feedback and create a better script.
  • Think about crew and continue to source cast
  • Create an advert for the production 

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